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Dwight Howard to leave Orlando after record transfer to Manchester United

June 20, 2011

It seems as if an unexpected turn has popped up in the never-ending Dwight Howard speculation (except Ric Bucher…he knew, and just hadn’t reported it yet, of course).

At a press conference held for a small media contingent early this morning, it was announced that Dwight Howard will be leaving the Orlando Magic and joining the Manchester United Football Club.

Dwight Howard announces his move to Man U

As the announcement was made by Magic CEO Bob Vander Weide, a stunned silence filled the room until the moment Dwight entered alongside Sir Alex Ferguson.   Sporting his usual superstar smile and his brand new Manchester United “kit”, Dwight began to speak for the first time to the still stunned crowd.

“With the lockout looming and my team in need of time to clear payroll, I have made the decision to accept a transfer from the Orlando Magic to Manchester United.  This was an easier decision than most of you might think, especially considering the copious amounts of money I will now be bathing in.  My goal for my entire career has been to win a championship and joining Man U gives me the best chance to do so.”

According to sources at the BBC, the transfer is rumored to be for $150M US dollars. That amount includes a minimum of two years of Dwight Howard’s service with a player option for a 3rd year.  Dwight would then be personally paid a yearly salary of $50M.

“I’ve seen LeBron James’ path and the difficulty he has faced in achieving a title.  My wish is to not only bypass that difficulty altogether, but to further crush LeBron’s legacy at the same time.” 

LeBron James recently became a partial owner of Man U’s bitter rival, Liverpool FC.  Manchester United is fresh off winning a record 19th Premier League title, while Liverpool remains stuck at 18. [Insert LeBron champion joke here].

Dwight then further added, “I see you LeBron… But I am going to one up you fa sho. Yuuaaaaaaaaa”. When asked to elaborate on the quote, Dwight stated again, “Yuaaaaaaaaaa” before quickly jettisoning from the room.

Why did this happen?  Ultimately it was an integrated decision amongst all parties to make the move, but let’s take a look at the motivations behind the individual stakeholders.

***

Orlando Magic

After tiring of fielding calls from David Kahn and his package of Rubio, Darko and Vlade Divac’s soul, and Golden State claiming that they could clone Monta Ellis into a 7’ defender, the Magic felt they wouldn’t receive a better offer than that of Man U.  While temporarily losing Dwight in the midst of his prime was a major concern, the $150M coming in would help towards paying off Gil and Hedo Turkoglu while still allowing Rich DeVos a large chunk of change to invest in local Orlando Grand Rapids, MI philanthropic endeavors.

Manchester United

The primary motivation for Man U to make the splash was the long-term need to increase the marketing appeal and sexiness of the squad.  Wayne Rooney, the club’s most prominent face, has recently installed hair plugs into his dome. At 25. Rooney is hardly winning the hearts and minds of little British girls the way that Cristiano Ronaldo had before his transfer to Real Madrid (especially compared to Dwight’s much more masculine gossip stories

Dwight Howard

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

Punk LeBron and South Beach

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

Punk Shaq and Hollywood

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

Punk M.J. and the Birmingham Barons

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

Dwight has been pondering the move to Manchester United since the AIG days

***

As you can see, the motivations behind the move created a perfect storm which allowed for the move. 

When asked via text message if Dwight had a parting message for the City of Orlando and his fans, he replied with “hit me up on Twitter, @DwightHoward, and let me know what happens with Casey Anthony, thanks yall.  yuuuaaa”

And with those final words, Dwight exited MCO and started his new journey in Manchester.

Stay tuned…

 

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2 Comments
  1. June 20, 2011 1:30 PM

    i knew it…..

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