Magic Super Fan?
The ESPN 30 for 30 special with Reggie Miller vs. the Knicks has gotten my mind spinning. As much hatred as I have always had for all things New York, there is one thing that I have always admired about the Knicks. Spike Lee. He is the ultimate fan! Sits court-side and truly cares about the game. You can tell that he genuinely is effected by the outcomes of the Knicks games. It makes me envious as a Magic fan that we don’t have that sort of “super-fan”. Hell, I even saw Spike in Orlando last year during the finals! He is everywhere!
So, I started thinking of who the most famous Magic fan even is. The question can’t really be fully answered because after much thought, there really is no one that stands out unless you are a die-hard Magic fan. Tiger once held this esteemed position, but even before “Tiger Texting” broke loose in full steam he was trailing off. During the finals last year he flip-flopped in typical Tiger fashion over who he was rooting for before ultimately claiming that he “grew up a Lakers fan” so would have to side with them. One can only assume that this was a Nike mandated choice. I mean, Nike couldn’t have it’s top endorser openly rooting against the Kobe’s in favor of the Adidas sponsored Dwight Howard! ….OK, this may be a stretch. Just maybe.
With that being said, here is a complete and thorough analysis of the pros and cons of each contender.
Pro: Biggest celebrity athlete in the universe.
Dennis “The Fat Guy” Salvagio
Pro: Has historically been proclaimed as the #1 Magic fan. I grew up knowing him as “The Fat Guy” and he without a doubt has cemented his place as an all-timer. Motivates an often lackluster crowd and has been a staple in the Orlando community in many forms other than just his game day character.
Con: So 2000late. He has noticeably been absent from both telecasts and games over the last few years and his lack of media coverage can only mean one thing… old news. Part of Salvagio’s decline can certainly be attributed to in-game and halftime performances of the “always comically overweight dance crews” and “we are over 80 and dancing to hip hop and its funny” acts. Also, he personally set the record for having the creepiest doll of all-time.
Fake Hulk Hogan
Pro: Simply awesome. Dedicated fan and never breaks character all game. I sat near him in the Cavaliers series last year and while his sidekick, X Pac, was almost thrown out of the game for arguing with a Cavs fan, he stayed in character the entire time he was talking to security and still convinced them to let them all stay. Now that is impressive BROTHER!
Con: You just can’t dress up in full costume for 41 games a year plus playoffs. Not unless you are immediately leaving the game and heading to some sort of WWF/WCW stage show on I-Drive. Also, the real Hulkster sometimes makes appearances and turns into buzz kill city for the staged version.
Delta Burke lookalike
Pro: She sits court-side next to the visitor’s bench for every home game. This provides the ultimate TV face time, as well the best chance to get into the visitor team’s heads. Also, has impeccable outfits, hair and makeup. This cannot be overlooked. Could potentially gain a second job as her pool boy and have her bring you to sit court-side with her.
Con: Nobody can confirm or deny the fact that she is a human and not a robot. Also, she could be aged anywhere between 45 and 80. Could potentially gain a second job as her pool boy and have to sleep with her to sit court-side.
Jack “Arm Pumping” Nelson
Pro: EVERYTHING!!!!!!! Have you not seen his passion?? Are you NOT impressed?? NOONE can berate an official like this man. His patented arm thrusts are classic. The form never wavering and you can always rely on this man to tell those blind refs what he thinks! It has been rumored that he brings cheat sheets to every game with the refs names on it and just unleashes his drunken fury on them. However, he is always wearing a sweater vest so he makes it look truly classy. My dream in life is one day be this man. He is something that we can and should all aspire to be.
Con: Could literally drop dead of a heart attack at any moment.
When you look through the above options, the choice is clear. One man rises above all others and has stood the test of time. As well as Father Time. Jack Nelson is a geriatric man amongst boys. He is only one more Stan Van Gundy blowup away from Paul Kennedy and Craig Sager interviewing Jack during breaks in the game instead of SVG. Can you imagine how entertaining this would be? What if Doris Burke did the interview… Would he go Joe Namath on her and go for the kiss? This is what cranky old men do!! Ultimate comedy. For this reason, he is my selection as the true Orlando Magic Super Fan. This declaration is one that took much deliberation and intense analysis. However, I feel that I have made the best choice not only for myself, but also for Magic Nation. Jack Nicholson can have the Lakers, Spike Lee can have the Knicks.. Hell, even the Clippers can have Bill Simmons (they have to have something). So, today is a new era in Magic Land. An era where we stop living in mediocrity and stop trying to scrounge up celebrities to claim as our own. This is now Jack Nelson’s city.
Also receiving votes: Chris Tucker, Random celebrities in town (CC Sabathia, Shaq after he loses in the playoffs, etc.), Warren Sapp, Matt Goukas, and Gina Marie Incandela