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Is Dwight Howard’s elbow tougher than Vince Carter?

May 27, 2010

I really hate bashing players on my own team and even more so heading into the most important game of the season. However, the question must be asked.  Is Dwight Howard’s elbow tougher than Vince Carter? Is Dwight Howard’s elbow tougher than Vince Carter’s entire family tree put together?  The question probably doesn’t even need to be asked.  It’s not close.

While columnists remain divided on whether Vince will be able to turn it around (See Adrian Wojnarowski vs. Ben Q. Rock), this blogger makes no secrets about his disdain for Vince’s lack of killer instinct.  The bottom line though is not what the numbers show: it’s Vince’s lack of knowing the moment.  His inability to take over games when it truly matters.   He has all the ability in the world but he just doesn’t harness it when it matters.  Flash back to the 3rd quarter of Game 4.  8:37 on the clock.  This is the point where I completely gave up on trying to defend VC and brainwash myself into seeing his value.  The point where I knew we, as a team, were worse off with him on the court.  With 8:37 left in that game Vince attempted to split two defenders and was ripped by Ray Allen.  Ray Ray then grabbed the ball and sprinted down the court with Air Canada by his side.  By. His. Side.  So I suppose that means he wouldn’t give up an uncontested layup, correct?  Not so fast my friend (Corso voice)!  Vince pulls the equivalent of a Roger Dorn and just olé’s his way under the basket and gives Ray Ray an easy two point dunk.  Was he worried about foul trouble? He had two fouls at that point, hardly foul trouble.  Just a despicable play and even worse effort.  You hear the term “playoff basketball” thrown around constantly, yet this play would be the exact opposite of “playoff basketball” and also the end of my defense of Mr. Carter.  Vince Carter = Soft

Things that Vince Carter is as soft as: a cotton ball factory, a TempurPedic mattress, WMMO’s playlist, Cheerio’s that have been left in milk for 3 days, Ricky Martin’s crank at the Playboy Mansion, a micro-plush hotel robe (very soft!), a Bill O’Reilly exposé on the Tea Party, etc… etc.  I think you get my point.  Soft.

Courtesty of the greatest captioner in the history of captioning, Doc Funk @ "Legend Continues" via

Playoff toughness is Dwight Howard’s elbow taking out every player on the Celtics frontline.  According to my unnamed sources, Brian Scalabrine has already asked Doc Rivers if he can wear headwear on the bench just in case Dwight’s elbow somehow succeeds in freeing “itself” from Dwight and then fly’s over to give a running line of ‘bows to the whole Boston bench.  Dwight is in the Celtics head.  There is no doubt about it.  He has truly played like an MVP candidate this series despite the constant criticism.  Vince has played like he has been getting in-game texts from his cousin Tracy McGrady on how to receive a buyout.  In the two biggest games of his life Vince disappeared.  In those same two games, Dwight Howard’s elbow has destroyed the front line of Boston and motivated his teammates to make a historical push towards the NBA finals.  Vince has resorted to playing like the last player off the bench and the Bow has turned into a one-arm wrecking crew.  As the Magic continue their comeback tomorrow night against Boston, count on two things:  Vince doing his best Paul Pierce wheelchair impersonation (and failing) and Dwight delivering at least one more concussion.  Go Magic.

Courtesy of Doc Funk @

  1. DHowardsElbow permalink
    May 27, 2010 6:52 PM

    Hell yes I’m tougher than his whole family tree. I yelled at him for giving Jesus Shuttlesworth a freebie. Playoff basketball means no layups!!

    Follow Supermans best weapon on Twitter. DHowardsElbow

  2. Matt G. permalink
    May 27, 2010 9:52 PM

    Newest T-shirt to go along with the “Matt Barnes will kill you”; “Dwight’s Elbow will kill you”

  3. Provic permalink
    May 28, 2010 11:57 AM

    Classy. Making jokes about concussions.

    Generally, on a basketball court, what goes around comes around. I hope you won’t be whining about elbows, dirty play and concussions any time soon around here. I’m sure you wouldn’t.

  4. scottydubs permalink
    May 28, 2010 1:39 PM

    So Provic, getting hacked by Nate Robinson and accidentally hitting someone w/your elbow while trying to get the loose ball = dirty? If any play was dirty last game, it was Pierce throwing JJ in the 2nd row.

  5. May 29, 2010 11:49 AM

    My point was brought home last night by everyone actually being happy that Vince was being aggressive even though he still only shot 6-15 and gave up another ole, free layup when he needed someone other than Dwight to show some toughness.

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