Orlando Magic to Draft Tim Tebow?
Orlando Magic to Draft Tim Tebow?
DISCLAIMER: There are potentially offensive words spoken of Mr. Tim Tebow in the post below that could be deemed offensive to some members of Gator Nation. If you are unable to hear/read such statements it is recommended that you avoid reading the following piece. For all others that may be confused by the post, please click here –>satire.
According to unnamed sources, with the 29th pick in the upcoming NBA Draft, the Orlando Magic are looking into drafting the former University of Florida halfback, Tim Tebow (Tebow also spent some time at quarterback) . With heartbreaking playoff exits the last two years, the Magic are said to be looking to make the type of unconventional move that will help put them over the top. It has long been said that spending just five minutes with Tim Tebow can change your life forever and Orlando’s ownership are not naïve to that fact. The Magic brass are clearly looking to piggy-back on the Tebow Charity Express in order to forever change the fortunes of the franchise as they begin their 2010-2011 season in the brand new Amway Center.
Though Tebow is practicing and working hard for the Denver Broncos who drafted him 25th overall in April, he still has yet to sign his rookie contract. He was recently quoted in a Peter King Sports Illustrated article saying, “I’m very young. Right now, in this offense, I’m in elementary school”. While struggling to pick up Coach Josh McDaniels complex system has yet to hamper his work ethic, he is undoubtedly frustrated by having to once again change his throwing motion as well as the clear lack of freedom to call, QB Dive Left. Tebow has not come out directly and stated that he is interested in coming to the NBA, but sources close to the situation have not ruled it out should he get a first round guarantee.
Measuring at 6’3” and a beefy 240 pounds, Tebow would generally be considered a mere overweight guard by NBA standards. Luckily, Tebow writes his own standards. You don’t think Tebro has game? Think again. According to playground legend, during the summer of 2009 Tebow actually dunked on Lebron James during a pickup game on the mean streets of Akron, Ohio. There were initially reports that Lebron was so embarrassed by the Tebow dunk, that he had all cell phones, pagers and notepads confiscated and burned in order to shred every ounce of evidence. You think that 38.5” vertical leap at the NFL combine was a joke? Put Timmy in a pair of Shape-ups and in a few months he will without a doubt be able to join the thunderous dunks of Dwight Howard.
In NBA draft circles, the consensus thus far has been that Tebow is a bigger, less black version of Charlie Ward. Ward parlayed his 1993 Heisman Trophy into a 10 year NBA career, why can’t Tebow have the same success? During his college football career, Tebow completed 87% of attempted jump throws shots. This could instantly translate into Tebow being the mid-range nightmare that Magic fans have mistakenly brainwashed themselves into thinking that Brandon Bass is.
Dick Vitale was even quoted as saying, “If I was a coach, I would love to have a player like him on my team… To me, Tebow is the kind of guy you want, no matter what the sport is. He is the kind of guy who can take his team into the winner’s circle, baby!” If a basketball Hall of Famer such as Dickie V gives the thumbs up, armed with his 34-60 career NBA coaching record, then the Magic are obligated to take a look.
And Vitale is right. Tim Tebow is a goldmine. Even Vegas is cashing in, lines have already been set over who can shed more tears over the course of a season, Tebow or Big Baby.
This move would also allow for the expansion of the Magic’s rural, or “country”, fan base. With the fresh influx of Alachua and Duval county residents to the Magic Nation, the team will certainly be looking to expand their brand merchandising into the lucrative jean shorts and giant truck decal markets. It’s been said that Orlando has been trying for years to penetrate the jort industry, but due to heavy lobbying from market leaders Lee and Wrangler, they have been unsuccessful. The marketing opportunities for the Magic and Tebow are truly endless. Think the recent announcement between Adidas and DC Comics to market the Superman brand is just some coincidence?
Armed with his Family, Youth and Community Sciences degree (Not sure Sarah Palin would approve of a community organizer…) and his 890 SAT score, Tebow is said to be looking forward to having the same effect on Orlando as he did in Gainesville and Denver. Tebow has already virtually eliminated poverty and homelessness in Denver and is now solely responsible for 76% of the circumcisions that take place in the Denver Metropolitan Area. His work has been rapid and full of results. With his rookie contract still not in place, Orlando stands to reap the benefits of Ambassador Tebow’s services in exchange for just a lowly first round draft pick.
With all of the rumors that are floating around regarding the Magic’s plans for the 29th pick, nobody fully knows what the ever-mysterious Otis Smith will do for sure. Will the Magic have the bravado to pull the trigger on June 24th and make the type of move that will change the lives of every Magic fan forever? Are the Orlando Magic preparing to draft Gainesville God Timothy Richard Tebow? Tune into ESPN on June 24th to find out exactly what Otis Smith has in store.