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Polish Hammertime

April 20, 2010

There is a dance move that will soon be sweeping the nation.  A dance move like nothing this country has ever seen before.  It appears sometimes when you least expect it, but when you see it, your life is changed forever;  well, at least the next 5-8 seconds.  Many professional athletes have a signature move; may it be a  handshake, dunk, or even facial expression.  Kobe tried his very best last year during the playoffs to develop a trademark “scowl”, but that disappeared as quickly as $4 million disappeared from his bank account in 2003.  Queen Lebron (can’t be a King until you win a championship), has 5,873 different pre-game handshakes and dances with his Cleveland Lebron teammates.  The handshakes were even mentioned and acknowledged in a nationwide marketing campaign seen here.  Kevin Garnett started the craze many years back where he beats his chest after every big play, which Joakim Noah imitated so flamboyantly during his time as a Florida Gator. Even our Orlando Magic stars have their own unique flavors that they bring to the game.

Dwight has his pre-game “dream shake” scenario that he does before firing a balled- up piece of tape into the crowd.  Mickael Pietrus has the 3-point half-shimmy that he likes to do after every big shot he makes.  However, none of them… and I mean, NONE of them can compare to the eruption that ensues after Marcin Gortat throws down a thunderous dunk.  The Magic bench goes wild!! The Polish Hammer Dance fever sweeps through their bodies like they just got an injection of knockoff Colombian 5-Hour energy.  The camaraderie that is displayed amongst the team is priceless.  There is no reason that the same camaraderie and sense of excitement should not be spread amongst the rest of the Magic Nation every time the opportunity presents itself.  Luckily, I am here to help spread the message and expand upon the joy that the Polish Hammer Dance, further known as Polish Hammertime, can provide.  If you follow these simple guidelines, you will soon be doing the Polish Hammertime right alongside Dwight Howard, Jameer Nelson and 17,461 of your closest friends.

Step 1: Extend your left hand, palm facing up.  Then proceed to turn your right hand into a fist, with your thumb facing upward.  Place fist into open palm.

Step 2: Raise right arm towards the sky until you’ve created a 45-degree angle with your arms, fist remaining clinched.

Step 3: Swing closed fist down in a hammer motion, while keeping left arm steady and perpendicular to your body.  Make crazy, absurd facial expression.

Step 4: Repeat for 3-5 repetitions depending on the magnitude of the play.

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Polish Hammertime!!

So join together, Magic brothers and sisters, and throw down some Polish Hammertime with your fellow Magic Nation members.  Raise those arms and hammer them down!   Help this nation feel the sense of pride and elation that we as Orlando Magic fans feel every time the Polish Hammer, Marcin Gortat, throws down a dunk so powerful that Bill Walton gets giddy.  Let them hear you in L.A. and let them feel the thunder in Poland.  For now is the time for the Polish Hammertime to take over.

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